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first it was checking to make sure I didn’t miss doing an important piece of homework
then it was checking, and terrifying fears of something bad happening to Mum
then it was checking, terrifying fears of something bad happening to Mum and rituals
I have to do in my head to make sure nothing bad happens to Mum
then it was checking, terrifying fears of something bad happening to Mum and rituals to make sure nothing bad happens to Mum, but I was still terrified

so then it was all of those and extra rituals because
I have to make sure I’m doing the original rituals properly because if I don’t Mum will die and It will all be my fault.

I must make sure make sure make sure make sure make sure make sure make sure

I’m doing my GCEs next year so the work is piling on so by the time I’ve done the checking and the rituals and my homework there’s not much time for eating and there’s not much time for sleeping

But that’s ok so long as nothing bad happens to Mum

there’s so much I have to do in my head before I can sleep to make sure nothing bad happens to mum that I’m going to bed later and later and there’s so much I have to do in the morning before I get the bus to school to make sure nothing bad happens that I have to get up earlier and earlier but none of that matters as long as I do the rituals right and make sure I haven’t missed anything

make sure nothing bad happens to Mum

if I do miss anything, I have to start again so I get even less sleep but none of that matters so long as I get the rituals done

so that nothing bad happens to Mum

Thought I’d got it taped but now as well as checking and all those rituals to keep mum safe I’ve got a problem when I shower in the mornings because I keep doubting that I’m clean and even though I’m pretty sure I’ve washed all of me, I have to keep going to make sure

Now it’s happening with hand washing too I just have to keep going because I’m not 100% sure I’m clean enough and this a problem because what happens if I take my eye of the ball with the most important rituals of all

to make sure nothing bad happens to Mum

I don’t know what to do now because that thought is making me so anxious I can’t concentrate or be sure I’ve done all the rituals I need to and my head feels like it is going to explode but I can’t give up, I mustn’t
If I keep adding in more rituals to make sure I’m doing the other rituals properly

will that mean nothing bad happens to mum?

I could increase the time on the trampoline every day and the other exercise rituals and maybe increase others too and add new ones
I will have to do more to make sure
I HAVE TO MAKE SURE

that nothing bad happens to Mum

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